I’ve been thinking a lot lately about BEING HEARD, what it means to me, and speculating about what it means to others.
I know what it feels like to underestimate the value of your own voice and to lack the warrior instinct needed to put yourself forward into an unfamiliar or challenging new arena.
Simply by virtue of being a 5’3” woman with a Southern accent, there have been many times in my Life when I didn’t feel heard, or if I was heard, my contribution wasn’t taken seriously. I know what it feels like to be ignored or underestimated.
When I moved to California in my 20’s, I noticed that as soon as people heard me speak, they quickly tuned me out, even changing the way they looked at me. I eventually learned that this was because the people I was meeting — mostly from California or other parts of the world — regarded anyone with a Southern accent as being somewhat subpar, on the ignorant side, unsophisticated.
I learned to speak another way to largely disguise the slow, relaxed style of speaking that was more natural to me.
Similarly, in countless situations, from the vantage point of my 5’3” height, I learned that taller people literally tend to look over the heads of shorter people, as if their height was a measure of their value and potential contribution to the matter at hand. How many times have I raised my voice, hoping to enter a conversation that was taking place about 10 inches above my mouth?
How many times have I raised my voice, hoping to enter a conversation that was taking place about 10 inches above my mouth?
Meriah Kruse
At 32, I plotted and experimented and planned color combinations for painting the exterior of our Victorian house. I went into the meeting with my co-owner/partner and the painter. I expected the conversation to begin with the various multi-colored drawings I had in hand. Neither of them came prepared with anything at all. Nonetheless, they went right ahead and planned the color scheme with little regard for my input, basically acting as if I wasn’t standing there with them at all.
On numerous occasions I’ve gone into conversations with auto mechanics, knowing full well what was wrong with my car, or my moped, and have them roll right past me and insist on their plan of action, only to discover later that I was right!
In my late-30’s, after years of working for a non-profit as a Movement Specialist, once again I was greeted with underestimation of the value of my voice. I had traveled for 15 years for the Kentucky Arts Council, teaching dance and creative movement in schools and studios. I had worked with small teams of artists throughout the state conducting professional development for school teachers to help them become more adept at using movement and other art forms in their classrooms. In other words, I had scads of relevant experience. However, when a team was forming to do this on a national level, the leader from another state, who barely knew me, asked me something like “Are you sure you’re ready to play on this level, Meriah? These people are very advanced.”
[How compassionate it would have been for her instead to help me understand what the challenges would be and to assess my experience and qualifications relative to them! That would have certainly shown a lot more professionalism and expertise on her part! I digress…]
Nonetheless, the way she asked that question, with the degree of doubt I heard in her voice and saw on her face… I just walked away and didn’t pursue this potential advancement, a chance to be heard on a larger stage.
These are small examples, in some cases trivial, which I only cite now, many years later (that sort of thing almost never happens to me anymore!) to say I know what it feels like to yearn to be heard and to be ignored or to lack the chutzpah, gravitas, or just plain insistence to put your voice forward.
Despite these frustrations, I don’t blame anyone else for my experiences. If I had been stronger in each of these instances, if I had been more fearless and believed in myself more, I wouldn’t have allowed my voice to be over-ridden.
Hoping to spare others these kinds of frustrations, what I feel driven to say today is this: Believe in yourself! Don’t allow your voice to be silenced! If you have something important to say, do what it takes to move forward and don’t let anything deter you!
“Believe in yourself! Don’t allow your voice to be silenced! If you have something important to say, do what it takes to move forward and don’t let anything deter you!”
Meriah Kruse
I understand that this is often easier said than done.
For instance, Native Americans have been telling us that their women are disappearing, that their treaties haven’t been honored, that many of their communities are suffering – and that they have highly relevant perspectives and knowledge essential to combatting the climate crisis — but few outside of Indian Country are listening.
Black Americans have been struggling for 400 years to have their voices heard, only to have even well-intentioned white friends and colleagues express disbelief when faced with their accounts of “yes, racism still exists” experiences.
Children, and especially teenagers, are routinely disregarded as we continue to further the mistaken ideology that says young people have nothing valuable to add to the conversation, and because they lack experience, their idealism and brilliant ideas aren’t welcome or practical.
By contrast, older people are often disregarded as they advance in years, despite their accumulated experience and knowledge, because they may not be moving or speaking fast enough, or their memory may at times falter, because they’re not trendy enough or have different values – or because they like to talk about the past “too much” and, therefore, aren’t relevant to the present and future.
Women’s voices are still routinely squashed around the world in horrifying ways, in some countries making it a life-threatening act to ask to vote, to walk outside unescorted, or to drive a car.
So there’s that.
If ever there was a time for the good people, those who aim to improve these inequities or inspire, teach and lead the rest of us to BE HEARD, this is surely it.
If you’re contemplating a step out into the big world to share your voice, to tell your story –either online or in person — or if you’ve already begun that journey and want to become more proficient, more memorable, more effective, there are many elements to consider.
Let’s reflect on a few of them using provocative questions.
~ KNOWING YOUR INTENTIONS
If you were given the chance today to talk to whomever you desire and say whatever you want – who and what would that be? What are you trying to accomplish? Are you there to teach, to present an argument or point of view, to advance a cause, or to attract new clients? Do you want people to take action immediately, or perhaps to stop taking action?
~ ASSESSING YOUR INNER STATE AND SUPPORT RESOURCES
Do you have the confidence to do what you’re longing for? Can you imagine excelling as you stand either in the front of the room or in front of your computer, on Zoom, a webinar, or at an open mic event? Do you have skills to center yourself, come into your Body so you’re not a nervous wreck? Do you have a support system of people who will encourage you as you move through your fear or reluctance — or as you become more well known and have entirely new challenges to face?
~ KNOWING YOUR AUDIENCE
Who are you hoping to speak to? Where will you find them? What moves them to want to be with you, to hear from you? What need of theirs are you addressing?
~ MASTERY OF YOUR MATERIAL
Do you need to sharpen your knowledge in some areas or are you ready to fly? Are there questions your audience may have that you’re not prepared to answer?
~ DETERMINING YOUR SCRIPT
Although not necessarily a written word-for-word script, you’ll want some kind of outline or plan. How can you make this something that makes people stand up and take notice?
~ SETTING YOURSELF UP FOR A DAZZLING DELIVERY
What are your best assets at the moment and which ones do you need to build or strengthen? Your voice? Environment? Ability to relax when you’re the center of attention? A studio and equipment that allows you to shine? Are you a natural storyteller? Are you good at pacing yourself? Are you funny? Are you adept at projecting trustworthiness, or competence? Do you tend to enjoy yourself on camera and allow your personality to show through? Will you use visual aids or handouts to support your presentation?
~ MAKING DECISIONS ABOUT YOUR USE OF TECHNOLOGY
There are many choices. Your decisions about technology will be made under the influence of your location, budget, experience with online platforms, your intended audience, your venue, the optimal level of formality or informality, and other factors. Which technologies and formats are you most comfortable with? Do you like to be on camera or are you most comfortable with audio-only situations? Would you rather be interviewed by someone or be the interviewer? Do you enjoy being in the front of the room (yes, one day we’ll return to conferences and live workshops.)
To explore these ideas further and to encourage your forays into BEING HEARD, I hope you’ll accept my invitation to order your FREE copy of “51 Ways to Shine Online,” my new ebook. It goes into much greater detail and helps you begin to answer these provocative questions, and many others.
Hopefully “51 Ways to Shine Online” will also provide you with encouragement and some of what I call “soft accountability” to motivate and inform your next steps forward toward BEING HEARD.
Get your copy. The World is Waiting for You to Share Your Brilliance
p.s. It’s FREE for now, but not permanently. Act today.
